Monday, August 21, 2017

Maker of solar eclipse eyeglasses issues recall after thousands go blind

LOS ANGELES—(TYDN) The producer of a popular pair of solar eclipse eyeglasses issued a recall following widespread reports that tens of thousands of its customers went blind watching Monday's solar eclipse, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Shares of Eclipsyware Co. initially tumbled 25 percent on the New York Stock Exchange. But shares rebounded in after-hours trading when the company pinned blame on its customers. The Los Angeles-based eyewear company nevertheless apologized for the inconvenience to affected customers who purchased the $1.99 Eclipsyware Total Eclipse glasses.
Moments before going blind. Photo: ODOT

Eclipsyware Chief Executive Shaun Seymore, in a conference call with investors, noted that Eclipsyware's 35,000-word terms of service cautioned that staring at the sun "may cause" blindness, and that the Eclipsyware Total Eclipse glasses were "costume" glasses meant to commemorate the first total solar eclipse in decades.

Product liability attorneys told TheYellowDailyNews that this language immunized the company from lawsuits. "Nowhere on the Eclipsyware Total Eclipse packaging does it say these are for staring at the sun," a well placed product-liability attorney with direct knowledge of the terms of service told TheYellowDailyNews on condition of anonymity. "In fact, on page 31 of the 75-page service agreement, the company clearly warns that the Eclipsyware Total Eclipse glasses are not meant to be used to stare at the sun."

Meantime, Seymore told TheYellowDailyNews in an exclusive interview that the company would give users who lost their eyesight a coupon for a 50 percent discount on their soon-to-be released costume eyewear for the blind.

"This is the least we can do for our valued customers," Seymore told TheYellowDailyNews. "We issued this recall to be responsible corporate citizens to prevent more customers from blinding themselves."

Daylight Pharma Pills Co., the maker of the only FDA drug approved to treat Non-24-Hour Sleep Wake Disorder, announced it would issue a limited supply of 25-percent off coupons for its $995 monthly treatment. Its patented formula helps regulate the internal body clocks of those who lost their eye site.

Shares of Daylight Pharma Pills surged in after-hours trading on the NASDAQ stock exchange.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Americans support North Korea missile attack on White House, poll shows

WASHINGTON—(TYDN) An overwhelming majority of Americans said they were deeply anxious that North Korea would not launch an ICBM missile at the White House, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

At least 69 percent of US voters responding to a TYDN-CNN-ABC-Politico telephone survey said they were extremely nervous that North Korea's leader, Kim Jong-un, was bluffing when he claimed he had the technology to strike the District of Columbia.

However, the latest survey of 45,000 voters was a major boost to US President Donald Trump. Just last week, 75 percent of respondents said they hoped Pyongyang would follow through on its threats.
Credit: Korean Central News Agency

"This is a remarkable turn of events in only a week's time. There are thousands of fewer Americans today who want to see this launch go through," Dexter Margolian, the lead researcher on the survey, told TheYellowDailyNews in an exclusive interview. "We were really surprised by the numbers. We thought more Americans would want Pyongyang to succeed, for a change of pace in Washington if for no other reason."

President Trump, speaking to reporters here at the Rose Garden, blasted the Americans who sided with the Hermit kingdom.

"Fake citizens," Trump said.

War games


The survey did not ask respondents for their political affiliation. The poll had a margin of error of zero percentage points, the researchers said.

The poll comes a week before the US and South Korean militaries engage in their annual summer war games along the Korean penninsula—a move that is expected to spark even more rhetoric between Trump and Kim. North Korea's leader says the drills are a dress rehearsal for an invasion of the North.

The developments come a week after Pyongyang and Washington threatened to annihilate each other with nuclear weapons. In response, many Western schools instituted duck-and-cover drills reminiscent of the Cold War.

Friday, February 24, 2017

Tech association mulling new TV color refinements in wake of Trump's "orange effect"

SAN FRANCISCO—(TYDN) The Television Industry Color Association, responding to consumer complaints that televisions cannot adequately bleach out President Donald Trump's "orange effect," is expected to announce next week that TVs shipping in time for the holidays will have new, automated color controls that will address this vexing problem, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Photo: Matt A.J.
Sources close to what many are saying is the biggest development in television after color became standard, said the new and highly complex technology will combat what many are decrying as Trump's so-called "Cheetos-like hue."

"Consumers have been complaining that there's simply too much orange on the screen when Trump is on air, and we've addressed that," a well-placed source in the Television Industry Color Association told TheYellowDailyNews on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to disclose the wide-ranging technology. "While many consumers couldn't stand the president because of his political dealings, an even larger majority of Americans couldn't stomach looking at an Orange man as their leader."

Meantime, several high-ranking US intelligence operatives had urged the Television Industry Color Association to come up with a fix to what they said was a "threat to national security." These intelligence officers, speaking on condition of anonymity because they have not been authorized to publicly address the issue, privately told TheYellowDailyNews that "we felt having an Orange-looking president wasn't a good look for a man holding the code of the nation's nuclear arsenal."

Another intelligence official added that Trump's "orangish hue" clashed with the president's red-white-and-blue attire. "I mean, a red or blue tie, and an Orange face and hair, it's simply gauche."

Sources said that all of the major television makers across the globe will adopt the new technology, dubbed "Remove Trump's Orange Color." It is expected to be ready around Thanksgiving time.

While the technology will be standard, consumers will have the option to modify the "Remove Trump's Orange Color" setting. And the setting, to assuage concerns of prejudice from the Cheeto-American community, is disabled by default. In what is considered an olive-branch to the Cheeto-American community, consumers will be presented with the choice to make Trump appear less Orange, or they can also make him look more Orange. They can also leave him in his usual standard-definition orange.

"We started hearing complaints from some leaders of the Cheeto-American community that lighting Trump's skin tone was not acceptable, and was racist to people of Orange color," a well-placed official in the Television Industry Color Association told TheYellowDailyNews on condition of anonymity. "So, in response, we added the default 'Keep Trump Orange' feature."

Monday, October 3, 2016

Trump says he "wouldn't waste" his Viagra on Clinton

PUEBLO, Colo.—(TYDN) Donald Trump, the GOP presidential candidate, issued his harshest criticism yet of his campaign rival, saying Monday he "wouldn't waste" his Viagra on Hilary Clinton, the Democratic nominee for president, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

"She is so terrible that I wouldn't waste my Viagra on her, even if she were the last woman alive, and I use that term, woman, loosely," said Trump, to huge applause from supporters here at the Pueblo Convention Center. "Presidential. You call that presidential. How can you call her presidential when nobody wants to touch her with a 10-foot pole. And I won't even bring up the Monica Lewinsky scandal."
Illustration: wetwebwork

Later in the day, Trump's comments bumped him about 5 points in national polls conducted by TheYellowDailyNews, bringing the Nov. 8 race to a dead heat. Analysts expected Trump to surge in the polls even more in the coming days in the wake of what many are calling "Viagra-gate."

"Ever since last week's debate, everybody has been saying that Clinton played Trump for a fool, that she led him down a path of no return, and they were right," Harvard University elections scholar Ted Milenstien told TheYellowDailyNews in an exclusive interview. "But now I think the tables have turned, and that Clinton can't deny Trump's Viagra-gate accusations. She's got her work cut out for her."

The development, analysts told TheYellowDailyNews, is certain to consume the campaign agenda just a month away from Election Day 2016. Trump's tax returns, him not paying taxes, his bankruptcies, his Cuba dealings and his comb over aren't likely to be an issue anymore. What's more, Clinton's e-mail scandal, Benghazi and her sullied record as secretary of state won't be the election hot-button topics anymore, either.

"Viagra-gate is what everybody is going to be focused on until the polls close," Stanford University political scientist, Burn Brenstein, told TheYellowDailyNews in an exclusive interview. "The public really wants the candidates to duke it out over the issues, and I think we've finally stumbled upon one."

But Clinton campaign operatives countered Trump.

One well-placed Clinton campaign operative, who requested anonymity because of the sensitivity of the topic, told TheYellowDailyNews in an exclusive interview that "The billionaire's comments underscore that he's not as big as he thinks he is."